A walrus with an accordion

The question sounded innocent enough. ‘Have you got an author website?’

‘Not yet…’ I replied, hedging my bets and feeling inadequate.

Fast-forward a few frustrating weeks and I’ve learned several things.

  1. I know very little about interwebs
    This has not changed much in recent weeks.
  2. I am stubborn
    I prefer to call it ‘determined’, but I like to know how things work and sort them out for myself if I can. I may have got a much better result much faster and gained fewer grey hairs if I’d accepted the help I was offered, but hey. If there’s an easy way and a hard way to do something, I’ll usually do it the hard way.
  3. I am stingy
    I prefer to call it ‘frugal’, but I hate being ripped off. I’m not rich (at least not in the monetary sense) and I didn’t need anything fancy, so… well, you can probably spot the shoestring on which this website was built. There are no bells. There are no whistles. Just me, bashing an old hubcap with a stick.
  4. People tell porkies
    Tutorials that promise to whisk you through the ‘simple’ process of constructing a website in ‘just a few easy steps’ are lying. They start with the basic stuff you’ve already done… miss out all the bits you actually, desperately, need to know…  and skip straight to advanced coding and expert-level gobbledegook.

I’ve heard the expression ‘like a monkey with a telescope’ applied to people who are attempting to do something beyond their capabilities. I was more like a walrus with an accordion: all I seemed to do was keep pressing the wrong buttons and emitting a range of tuneless groaning noises.

I fully realise that this site ain’t sophisticated, it ain’t pretty, and all you IT types out there are probably laughing derisively or shaking your heads in pity. But here you are, reading the first blog entry on My Very Own Author Website.


Eileen Vorbach Collins

Found my way here through Tom Gavin’s Twitter post. Just wanted to say I enjoyed your response to “Have you got an author website?”. It’s the first thing I read this morning and it made me smile.
My website is, I believe far less sophisticated and with fewer bells and whistles. Take a look if you’d like.

Thanks SO much for commenting, Eileen. It made my day to know that my words made you smile.
I did visit your website and your writing is wonderful. I’ll definitely be doing more exploring and will be on the lookout for more of your work. Who needs bells and whistles?

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